About Doug:
I’m a loving and dependable husband and father, journey athlete, constitutional minimalist, and self-employed serial entrepreneur.
I work as a Performance Life Coach devoted to serving to males obtain their private {and professional} targets utilizing the most recent instruments and insights from the sector of optimistic psychology.
WHAT WAS THE MAJOR TURNING POINT IN YOUR MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY?
The most important turning level was taking complete possession of my life and outcomes.
I had in some way gone from being married in a long-term relationship with teenage kids, self-employed, energetic, engaged, socially supported, and anchored at dwelling with my household, to being alone, with damaged relationships with my kids. I used to be shocked, dismayed, and in disbelief as I confronted isolation.
I felt indifferent from the individual that I used to be earlier than. My former life was gone and I had forgotten all my nice recollections of associates, household, and life. Worst of all is that I used to be unsure of who I used to be and I hated my “model”. Life had shifted underneath my toes and I used to be off stability. Every thing that I used to have felt just like the distant previous.
I used to be a poster little one for what it appears wish to stay with unrecognized/undiagnosed Grownup ADHD. At my worst, I struggled with anxiousness, despair, substance abuse, extreme threat taking, low self-esteem, rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotional volatility. I used to be residing other than my spouse and youngsters, and I bear in mind being trapped in a swirl of adverse feelings together with feeling lonely, confused, disillusioned, insufficient, ashamed, and downright depressing.
Finally, I spotted that whereas I couldn’t management every little thing that occurred to me, I might all the time management how I responded.
The subsequent breakthrough got here after I embraced the concept happiness isn’t a vacation spot, it’s a course of and a talent that may be discovered. I figured that if I had been studying, rising, and making progress, I might rebuild my life and my very own sense of function and achievement.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT REALLY HELPED?
Taking Possession
- Adopting the mindset that I alone was answerable for my life, enabled me to cease blaming exterior circumstances and begin taking significant motion.
Constructing Self-Consciousness
- Studying, journaling, constructing my emotional intelligence, and practicing mindfulness daily helped me acknowledge patterns in my ideas, emotions, and conduct, enabling me to make higher selections.
Paying Consideration to Variability
- Constructing mindfulness and self-awareness helped me discover after I felt higher and what contributed to these moments, giving me instruments to duplicate these experiences.
Shifting My Perspective
Creating a Routine
- Establishing constant habits for train, vitamin, and reflection created a basis for my long-term psychological, emotional, religious, and bodily well being.
Working towards Self-Compassion
- Studying to deal with myself with kindness and persistence, quite than harsh criticism, made it simpler to maintain transferring ahead even after I stumbled.
Reaching Out
- Becoming a member of Toastmasters, enjoying hockey once more, and doubling down on my most necessary social and household relationships all contributed to me turning into extra socially resilient and complete.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER GUYS FIGHTING TO IMPROVE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH?
As males, many people had been by no means taught the best way to speak about our emotions—we’ve been conditioned to see vulnerability as weak spot quite than energy. However the reality is, vulnerability just isn’t a flaw; it’s a pathway to therapeutic and development.
Our potential to specific what we’re going by isn’t non-compulsory—it’s important. When each voice in your head tells you to withdraw, that’s exactly when you could attain out. We frequently undergo silently, burdened by disgrace and emotions of inadequacy, however we don’t have to hold that weight alone.
Take possession of your life and your therapeutic journey—it’s probably the most empowering alternative you can also make. It’s true that your feelings will not be decided solely by your circumstances however by the way you interpret them. Undertake a optimistic focus and problem your self to reframe negative self-talk and take note of the moments, nonetheless transient, if you really feel slightly lighter. These moments maintain clues to what helps you thrive. Construct an emotional vocabulary so you possibly can title and categorical your emotions in a wholesome method quite than suppressing them, numbing out, or venting explosively.
Bear in mind, development—not cash, social standing, affect, reputation, or perfection—is the important thing to lasting happiness. Each small step ahead issues. Commit your self to steady self-reflection and studying so you possibly can uncover the blind spots which can be holding you again. And most significantly, know that you just’re not alone. Reaching out for support—whether or not to a trusted pal, a educated life coach or therapist, or a neighborhood—is likely one of the strongest, most brave actions you possibly can take.
And lastly, remind your self that you’ve got the facility to rebuild your life, to develop, and to search out that means and pleasure once more. Do not forget that these of us which have moved by the darkest moments and emerged stronger on the opposite aspect are uniquely positioned to assist others do the identical, and to stay a extra resilient and linked life.
– Doug Host, Langley, BC, Canada
